About The RPP
I have battled with being a people pleaser my entire life and I’m now in recovery.
When I got the idea to start this blog, my first thought was to name it The Reformed People Pleaser. Then, I thought it would be a lie because I’m not “reformed” at all – I still AM a people pleaser. And it annoys me to no end…especially at my age.
And if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you are too.
If you’re anything like me, you tend to say YES to everything – as if it’s almost a habit. I have a hard time saying no and lately I’ve found myself looking for ways to gracefully say “no.”
No, it’s a lie too. I’m looking for great comebacks when I’m aggressively asked to do something I don’t want to do.
After I Turned 40, I Decided I Had Enough
A few days after I turned 40 in 2016, a “friend” messaged me to let me know she accidentally paid for my birthday present in the wrong currency. Since she was out of pocket $100, she expected me to fix up the difference because I was now getting a more expensive gift voucher. So her fuck up became mine, something I was expected to pay for, through absolutely no fault of my own.
Of course, being the people pleaser I am, I smiled and replied saying, “oh that won’t be a problem.” Inside, I was fuming and thought she had some nerve and audacity to ask me to contribute…what was a lot of money for me at the time…to my own birthday present.
Because, if it was me, I would have sucked it up and paid for my own mistake myself.
But that’s me.
And it really put a sour note on what was meant to be a milestone birthday.
It made sound trivial to some, this became the inspiration to start this blog. Of course, it’s not the only thing that’s happened…there have been many examples and circumstances during my 40 years on this planet leading me to feel this way, and it became the catalyst…the catalyst to question and explore the relationships and people in my life, whether my friends even respect me and the fundamental basics of friendship.
Not long after, I read Ben Settle’s Persuasion Secrets of the World’s Most Charismatic & Influential Villains. Even though this book was written for guys, at the age of 40, it became another catalyst for me to draw the line in the sand and say, “enough’s enough.” I became a woman hell-bent on overcoming this emotional need to always please other people.
For now, this blog will remain anonymous.
I started this blog purely for selfish reasons – I want to examine the underlying dynamics and motives why I seek constant validation from outside sources, why I have trouble saying “no” and to have a platform to freely express my opinions, point of views and frustrations.
I may cuss and curse, and rant and rave at times. I have no idea what shape or form this blog will take. And it won’t be all about me blowing off steam and nor will it be a ‘poor me’ type of blog. I want to get people to reflect on their behaviour and to stop and think, why they too, feel the need to say yes all the time and go out of their way to seek approval from others.
I will seek constructive answers to questions, to understand and learn why others feel the same and how we can support each other to overcome our need to be “yes” people … even when it leaves us feeling resentful and unhappy.
And finally learn how we can all start saying NO.
If you would like to join the journey and become part of a growing tribe of people fed up with being a YES person and have the desire to become a NO person (and to stop saying SORRY all the damn time too), then I invite you to join me on this journey and sign up to receive free updates below.
Along the way, perhaps we can become reformed people pleasers after all.
The Recovering People Pleaser (RPP)